Normalevolence

Normal is surprisingly scary at Halloween. Large cranes overshadow the Post Office, like giant arms ready to reach down and grab unsuspecting Uptowners. Orange and white barrels form mazes which vehicles enter only to disappear forever. Railroad crossing gates go up-and-down randomly, daring us to try our luck at passing beneath them without getting cut in half. Darkened patches of rough surface on College Avenue yawn ahead like camouflaged tar pits, waiting to swallow and preserve us for future research. Squirrels with sharp little teeth dart about, looking for pedestrians to bite. Budget cuts and increased fees are discussed by Town Council “men and women” (or are they aliens?), frightening all residents. The Marriott Hotel reduces the IQ of those who enter late at night, even putting them into a trance. Some streets (East Beaufort) are opened while other streets (Ft. Jesse) are closed, adding a fun-house like confusion to the driving experience. Stores display Halloween items right next to Christmas items, determined to cast a pall over the yuletide. And the scariest of all: those drivers around you, talking on their cell phones, swerving and running red lights. Self-absorbed dolts or ghouls out to get you? Enjoy a frighteningly Normal Halloween!!

Normal Agriculture

This is actually more about McLean County than about Normal, but I wanted to share it since I don't usually write about agricultural information. At the Normal Public Library's sale I purchased the book Five Golden Decades 1914-1964, published by the McLean County Farm Bureau in 1964. It's a history of the Bureau during those years and I found a few interesting items as I looked through it. First, the "McLean County System of Swine Sanitation" was developed in 1919 by Lyle Johnstone as a way to prevent runt pigs (it was thought that runt pigs were caused by round worms) (page 86). Second, a couple of outbreaks in McLean County's history: "One of the worst hog cholera outbreaks McLean County ever had occurred in the Fall and early Winter of 1931. Without doubt the worst grasshopper outbreak occurred in the Spring of 1937" (pages 108-109). (And we complain about aphids and beetles!) And third, from the chapter "Artificial Breeding Program in McLean County," it seems that there was a problem with "poor bulls" in McLean County in the 1930s. The solution was to join a breeding co-op in the 1940s. An exciting breakthrough in this program is described: "One of the great boosts to the artificial insemination program came when frozen semen which could be stored indefinitely became a reality, making possible the availability of any bull at any time" (pages 161-162). Any bull at any time. Oh, there's a joke or two one could make based on that phrase. . .

Normal A to Z

A is for Amtrak -- hopefully soon pulling up to a new multimodal transportation center!

B is for baseball -- next year, take someone out to the ballgame and cheer on the CornBelters!

C is for Constitution Trail -- whether you walk, run, bike, or skate, it's a great way to exercise!

D is for debt --ok, so Normal has some debt; it would be difficult to invest in the future without it

E is for environmentalism --"going green" seems to be a growing (pun intended) trend in Normal

F is for Fell, Jesse Fell -- Normal founder, tree planter, with a park and a street named for him

G is for geese -- it seems like geese are constantly flying around and landing in Normal

H is for Heartland Community College -- it continues to grow and meet community needs

I is for ISU -- it has such an impact on Normal in so many ways

J is for Junction -- one of the former names of Normal

K is for Koos, Chris Koos --Mayor, business owner, bicycling and historic preservation advocate...

L is for Linden -- a major north-south thoroughfare in Normal (with many squirrel crossings)

M is for Marriott -- many, many conferences and special events are in this hotel's future

N is for Normal -- of course!

O is for opinions -- Normal citizens have opinions on everything; just ask!

P is for parks -- Normal has so many wonderful parks

Q is for quad -- a surprisingly pleasant place to temporarily host the Sugar Creek Arts Festival

R is for Redbirds -- ISU teams (represented by a bird's head stenciled on town streets)

S is for Sugar Creek Arts Festival -- a very nice annual event for those around in the summer

T is for traffic circle (aka roundabout) -- better than a 3-way stop? we'll see...

U is for Uptown -- even if you don't like the new title, you'll like the new experience!

V is for vinyl siding -- so many subdivisions, so much vinyl, so few colors

W is for windy -- Normal could become known as the "Windy Town" (that refers to weather, not politicians)

X is for X chromosomes -- too many XX singles in Normal, not enough XY singles!

Y is for yield -- please remember to yield to all pedestrians and bicyclists

Z is for zig-zag -- that's how you'll have to drive to get around all of the construction in Normal

Normal Signs

At the October 5 Normal Town Council meeting the Council voted to spend money on street signs and "district map" signs for the Uptown area. (District map signs are the you-are-here type of signs.) Originally, there were more types of signs proposed but the bids to do all of the signs came in too high. So, going with a few signs now will save some money and more signs can be added later.

I have to say, I really like the "primary gateway boundary" sign that identifies Uptown, although I don't know the best place for it -- on the east, west, north, or south end of Uptown? I also like the "pedestrian directional" signs that list the major destinations along with arrows pointing the way. All of the signs have a nice style so I hope that more are added in the future. Residents probably think that it's silly to have signs for such a small area but people who come for conferences or to deliver their ISU students to the campus might miss out on some great destinations without signs.

Normal's Bicycling Proponent, et al.

There was an article in Sunday's (9/27/09) Parade about the Mayor of Columbia, Missouri, promoting bicycling in that town. He wants to transform it "into one of the nation’s premier cycling cities." The Mayor of Boston also advocates cycling. And, of course, our own Mayor of Normal, Chris Koos, is the quintessential bicycling proponent. Hhhmmmm, what is it with Mayors and bicycles??

Normal Skateboarding Ordinance

At the September 21 meeting, the Normal Town Council will consider approval of an ordinance prohibiting skateboarding in Uptown Normal. I "bing-ed" "skateboarding laws" and found that San Francisco has addressed this issue very thoroughly. They have a Skateboarding Task Force and the San Francisco City and County law regarding skateboarding states that they prohibit skateboarding "on any city street at any time, on any sidewalk in any business district at any time, and on any non-business district sidewalk commencing 30 minutes after sunset and ending 30 minutes before sunrise (Traffic Code, Section 100)."

Is the need for such an ordinance due to: a) an overabundance of skateboarders in or near Uptown; b) a lack of knowledge on the part of "young" people (some are probably not so young) who skateboard regarding where it's inappropriate to do so; or c) unnecessary concern about this potential problem?

Skateboards: Not In Our Uptown!

Normal-See (Normalcy, get it?)

Wouldn't it be great if someone climbed to the top of that stairway and took some pictures?

Normal 9/11 Memorial?

The New York Times has an article about how a local government can acquire a piece of steel collected from the World Trade Center site after September 11, 2001. It's a way for people to create a local memorial out of actual material from "Ground Zero." Many of the pieces are quite large but they also have smaller pieces. No charge for the steel but the recipient has to pay to have the piece transported to their location. I wonder if anyone would be interested in having a 9/11 memorial in Normal.

Normal Needs Your Vote!

Less than 2 weeks until the winner of the Toshiba contest between Normal and Boring is announced. Normal is far behind in votes at this point. PLEASE VOTE EACH WEEK!

Go to www.boringvsnormal.com , wait for the page to load, click on the "Normal" button and fill out your information in the pop-up box. Then vote by clicking on the "Normal" button AGAIN. A thank-you should pop up. (I haven't received any spam as a result of giving my email address.)

Wouldn't it be great to win? PLEASE VOTE!

Normal Joe

Just wanted to say a few things about Joe McCauley, who died on Friday, August 21, 2009. He was a one-of-a-kind, laid-back guy. Always said hello in the hallway and at the start of this semester, after saying hello, he said, "A lovely first day of classes!" Heartland won't be the same without him.

Yeah, Joe, it was a lovely first day of classes. Thanks for pointing that out and brightening my day.

Normal Quotes and Adages

Summer has officially ended and the college students have returned. Here are some famous quotes and adages that, when slightly altered, might be relevant to Normal college students:

"I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat." (Winston Churchill)
Altered: “I have nothing to offer but some leftover take-out and a can of beer.”

"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light." (Albert Schweitzer)
Altered: “Sometimes our light goes out and we realize that our roommate hasn’t paid the power bill. Pay the bill and rekindle the light already!”

"Half a loaf is better than none." Altered: “Half a pizza is better than half a loaf.”

"He who hesitates is lost." Altered: “He who hesitates to go through a yellow light is late to class.”

"He who laughs last laughs longest." Altered: “He who laughs last shows that he didn’t get the joke.”

"He who lives by the sword shall die by the sword." Altered: “He who lives by Wikipedia, flunks.”

"Rome wasn't built in a day." Altered: “Uptown Normal and campus buildings aren’t completely built until you’ve graduated.”

"Starve a fever, feed a cold." Altered: “Feed a fever and a cold with all of the comfort foods you can afford.”

"Many hands make light work." Altered: “Many hands make plagiarized papers.”

"Misery loves company." Altered: “Misery loves company and watching YouTube videos of public humiliation.”

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Altered: “Beauty is in the bloodshot eyes of the last person to leave a bar or a party.”

"Necessity is the mother of all invention." Altered: “The necessity of passing a test is the mother of creative, rambling essay answers.”

"What goes around comes around." Altered: “What goes around the Uptown traffic circle comes around again as the driver tries to figure out where to exit.”

Welcome back!

Normal Summer Fun?

Actual lines from the 2009 Town of Normal Parks & Recreation Summer Program Guide:

What is your child going to do this summer?
This hitting clinic is designed to teach boys and girls the fundamentals of hitting.
Focus is placed mostly on style and loosely on technique.
Be ready for a sticky mess as soda eruptions will be involved!
Children will be having so much fun they won’t even know they are learning, while caregivers develop tools to use at home.
Everyone will leave tired and ready for bed, ending the night with lullabies by popular artists.
This course does not provide a certification of any type but does give students valuable experience toward future employment.

By registering for a program, the registrant agrees to hold the Town of Normal harmless from any damages caused by participation in the program.

Stop for summer fun!

Normal vs. Normal Heights

There’s a neighborhood in San Diego, California, named Normal Heights. How does it compare to Normal, Illinois?

Similarities include the fact that it was named for a State Normal School, it has a used book store, an authentic Irish pub, and a coffee house (a “hipster hangout” with an adjoining performance space for musical entertainment). Also, it originally had a trolley line, it’s sometimes referred to as ‘Abnormal’, and it has crowded apartment dwellings and single-family homes.

Some of the differences are that it’s a neighborhood (not a town) platted in 1906 (not 1865), it’s described as “funky” and “sometimes rowdy” (probably not how we’d describe Normal), it has a San Diego Cheesecake Company (I wish!) and an “Antique Row” (instead of rows and rows of new houses) and “everything of interest” is located along Adams Avenue (not Beaufort/North St. or Veteran’s Parkway). Also, a carpenter (not a lawyer/tree-planter) was responsible for the main business development.

In spite of the differences, it’s nice to know that there are other, Normal folks.

Normal Marriott/Camelot

Normal’s “Marriott” Song:

The site was cleared a distant moon ago here
The building now has grown to fill the lot.
And there’s a fancy sign upon the front here
At Marriott.
The grill is named for founder Jesse Fell, wow!
A name that Normal never has forgot.
Would Jesse drink the beer there, who can tell now?
At Marriott.
Marriott! Marriott!
I know it sounds a bit upscale,
But at Marriott, Marriott
That’s how they tell the tale.
The guests will have their choice of parking spaces.
And swimming makes the stress all disappear.
In short, there’s simply not
A more congenial spot
For happily-ever-hoteling than here
At Marriott.

Marriott! Marriott!
I know it’s quite a sight to see,
But at Marriott, Marriott
It’s where the best will want to be.
The Presidential suites are on the ninth floor.
The Theatre has never been so near.
In short, there’s simply not
A more congenial spot
For happily-ever-hoteling than here
At Marriott.

Normalized Quotes

“Illinois. Normal, Illinois.”

"My Mama always said, 'Normal is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get.'"


"I'll be back, Normal."


"Well, it's not the Normal men in your life that count, it's the life in your Normal men."


"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into Normal’s."


"It's Normal! It's Normal!"


"I vant to be in Normal."


"I don't know nothin' about Normal."


"As God is my witness, I'll never leave Normal again!"


"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Normal anymore."


"...and oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like Normal."


"We'll always have Normal."


"Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy Normal night."


"Normal! Nooooorrrrrmaaaaal!"


"...You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Does Normal feel lucky?' Well, does it, punk?"

“It was the best of Normal, it was the worst of Normal.”


“My name is Normal.”


“In the beginning God created the heaven and Normal.”


“It was a dark and stormy Normal night.”

Normal Parallel Parking Peril

I drove on North Street this morning. I was curious about the new parallel parking spaces that have replaced the old diagonal spaces. There are two spaces between each of the curb “bump-outs” (not sure what the official term is for those). I was kind of hoping for just one space between them, which would eliminate any worry about clumsy parallel parkers. I’m not a fan of parallel parking. Maybe lots of people are anti-parallel. (Hey, where were you people when the new parking spaces design was being discussed?!)

I searched the internet for information about parallel parking. I couldn’t find any statistics about bumper bumping but there were articles about “dooring,” where someone is exiting or entering a parallel-parked vehicle and a bicyclist hits the door as it is being opened. There were also lots of videos showing how to parallel park, and some articles about new devices to aid in this process. For people who enjoy trying to parallel park without the risks, there are animated games that challenge you to successfully parallel park a cartoon car.

If I have to use one of these PP spaces, I guess I’ll look for one that shares space with an already-parked motorcycle or other small vehicle. Not looking forward to circling and circling and circling the block…

Normal Marriott Marvel

I just want to say a few things about the new Marriott Hotel in Uptown Normal. I think that it was nice to name the grill in the hotel “Jesse’s,” after Jesse Fell. It seems like hotels always have quirky names for their eateries and it would have been easy for this hotel to follow suit. But they chose a name with local significance and I appreciate that. I also think that the two presidential suites are a nice touch. Perhaps local fundraisers could offer a two-night stay in one of the suites as a prize??

Normal Roadway Mix-Up

Time for another word scramble. See if you can unscramble the following names of roadways that are either completely or partially in Normal:

dinnel
arab
elfe
loglece
burmyler
vonner
lardoon
notadaw
eggyorr
rikspade
idealdea
hotworrn
steervan
egotcat
vyhoe
abadrywo
afterobu

Normal Halcyon Days

Aaahhh, July, the calm before the storm. And by storm, I refer to the back-to-school season with its hordes of people buying school supplies (for the younger students) and room/apartment amenities (for the college students). Who doesn’t enjoy trying to get down the grocery aisle only to be delayed by parents and their college-age offspring trying to decide which brand of peanut butter is best, or by a knot of twenty-somethings stocking up on munchies? And who can resist the excitement of driving behind a vehicle loaded down with people, possessions, and a precariously balanced mattress on the roof?

Another August, another academic calendar begins. My entire life since the age of 6 has been scheduled according to the school season. I even still watch the early news on snowy winter mornings to see which schools are closed! I never thought I’d be doing that this “late” in life. But I don’t think I can ever get out of the academic cycle and, since I looked forward to going back to school as a student (up through college, at least), I guess I still kind of like the anticipation of a new school year and the promise of learning that it presents. I do miss buying a brand new pink eraser and box of watercolor paints, though.

Normal MTC: A Timely Addition

There was a presentation of the design for the Normal Multimodal Transportation Center at the July 6 meeting of the Normal Town Council. It showed a four-story building with the fourth floor set back enough to create a terrace (which I think they said would be “green” but not accessible). The distinguishing exterior feature of the building is a clock, which appeared to be round and analog. I’m wondering if it will be backlit at night.

What is unique about this transportation center is that the third floor will contain offices for Normal staff and the fourth floor will have meeting space (for Council meetings and other gatherings). What would it be like to have an office above a very busy, public place that is never closed? Would it be noisy? Will there be sound-proofing? The issue of security for the office area is being discussed. That’s a big issue in this case, especially with access to each floor from the attached parking garage. The proposed design of the fourth-floor area for Council meetings is a huge improvement over the current meeting space. Someone should make sure that the new chairs for audience members are comfortable.

I hope that there is funding for this building and I am looking forward to seeing what Normal will look like when all of these new buildings and streetscapes are complete. I was starting to feel at home in the “old” Normal but to be honest, it really did look shabby (but not chic). Before we know it – tempus fugit – the “new” Normal will be here.